I remember it like it was yesterday-Kath and I, young and clueless, rushing headlong into marriage after just five months of dating. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into or the differences between infatuation and lasting love. Our story began with what I now recognize as pure infatuation, but God had bigger plans for us. He took our broken beginning and transformed it into something beautiful that I’m humbled to share with you today. When Infatuation Masquerades as Love Let me be straight with you-infatuation is a powerful force. It’s that initial rush, that feeling of being swept away that makes you think you’ve found “the one.” Kath and I experienced this in full force back in 1981. We met, dated for
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” — Ephesians 5:25–26 When I stood at the altar with Kath, I thought I knew what it meant to be a husband. I thought leading her was about making money, working hard, and providing a good life—meaning nice cars, a house, vacations, all the stuff you’re supposed to chase after. If I could just keep us comfortable, I figured I was doing my job. As for spiritual leadership? At twenty, that meant driving the car to church every now and then, maybe bowing my head at dinner. That was the extent of what I
Let me come alongside you for a moment and speak plainly. There’s a myth out there-a dangerous one-that says marriage will fix you. That your spouse will complete you, heal your wounds, and fill every void you’ve ever felt. I believed it. Kath believed it. Most couples we meet have believed it at one point or another. But here’s what we learned the hard way: only Jesus can make you whole. This took us almost 3 decades. How the Myth Shows Up You know the lines. “When I get married, I won’t be lonely anymore.” “My spouse will help me overcome my insecurities.” “Marriage will finally give me the purpose and fulfillment I’ve been missing.” I used to think, if I just worked harder at
Infidelity. The word alone carries a weight that can crush even the strongest of marriages. It’s not just about broken promises—it’s about shattered trust, severed intimacy, and the deep wounds of betrayal. Kath and I know this all too well. Our story, laid bare in Sex on the First Date: Our Story of a Broken Beginning to a Radically Transformed Marriage, is one of repeated infidelity—on both sides. It’s a story of brokenness, yes, but also one of redemption. And if you’re wondering whether love can survive when trust is obliterated, let me tell you—it can. But it takes more than just hope. It takes work. Hard, gut-wrenching work. A Cycle of Betrayal Our marriage didn’t just stumble into infidelity—it lived there for years. Kath confessed
Song of Solomon 4:9 says, “You have made my heartbeat faster, my sister, my bride; you have made my heartbeat faster with a single glance of your eyes.” I can’t read that verse without thinking of Kath. Her eyes have always had a way of stopping me in my tracks. Even now, after all these years, there are moments when she looks at me, and it feels like time slows down. That glance—the one that makes my heart beat faster—is something I’ve come to treasure more deeply as we’ve grown together. But it wasn’t always this way. For so long, I missed the beauty in her gaze because I didn’t know how to see her the way God intended. Kath and I recently started reading