Through my journey with Kath, I’ve discovered that lasting marriages aren’t built on grand gestures but on daily, intentional choices. Here are 5 tips tips for a great marriage that have reshaped our relationship:
5 tips for a great marriage
1. Make Prayer Your Daily Foundation
Prayer has become the cornerstone of our marriage restoration. When Kath and I first started praying together, it felt awkward and forced. We didn’t know what to say or how to express our hearts. But as we persevered, something beautiful emerged. Prayer became our safe space, where we could be completely vulnerable not just with God, but with each other.Start by setting aside specific times for prayer – perhaps first thing in the morning or right before bed. Turn off your phones, find a quiet space, and simply begin. Don’t worry about using the right words or sounding spiritual. Instead, focus on being honest and real. Share your fears, dreams, and gratitude. Pray about your marriage, your challenges, and your hopes for the future.We’ve found that prayer does something remarkable – it shifts our perspective from self-focused to God-focused. When we’re struggling with issues in our marriage, praying together helps us see beyond our immediate circumstances to God’s bigger picture. It reminds us that our marriage isn’t just about us; it’s about reflecting God’s love to the world.
2. Establish Clear Non-Negotiables
What I call “stakes in the ground” are non-negotiable boundaries that protect your marriage from compromise. These aren’t restrictions that limit freedom; they’re guardrails that provide security and trust. For Kath and me, these include never being alone with someone of the opposite sex, maintaining complete transparency with our phones and social media, and prioritizing our marriage over work commitments.These boundaries might seem extreme to some, but they’ve eliminated gray areas that could lead to compromise. We’ve learned that it’s better to have clear, defined limits than to navigate murky waters of “maybe” and “what if.” When you establish these boundaries together, you’re creating a safe space where trust can flourish.Consider areas where your marriage might be vulnerable. Perhaps it’s relationships with coworkers, social media usage, or how you spend your free time. Discuss these openly with your spouse and agree on clear boundaries. Write them down if necessary. Remember, these boundaries aren’t about controlling each other – they’re about protecting something precious.
3. Practice Intentional Service
Love manifests itself most powerfully in practical service. This isn’t about grand gestures or expensive gifts; it’s about the daily, often mundane acts that say, “I see you, and I care about making your life easier.” For instance, I know Kath appreciates waking up to a clean kitchen, so I make it a point to handle the dishes before bed, even when I’m tired.Look for opportunities to serve your spouse in ways that matter to them, not just what you think should matter. Pay attention to what causes them stress or brings them joy. Maybe it’s filling up their car with gas, preparing their favorite meal, or handling a task they’ve been dreading. The key is to serve without expecting recognition or reward.Serving together also strengthens your bond. Find causes you both care about and volunteer together. When Kath and I serve our community as a team, we experience a unique closeness that comes from sharing a greater purpose. It takes our focus off ourselves and reminds us that we’re part of something bigger.
4. Maintain Complete Transparency
Secrets are the silent killers of intimacy in marriage. Every hidden area, no matter how small it might seem, becomes a barrier to deep connection. This doesn’t mean you need to share every passing thought, but it does mean being honest about things that affect your relationship – finances, struggles, temptations, and fears.Create an environment where honesty is safe and welcomed. When Kath shares something difficult with me, I make sure to respond with grace rather than judgment. This has built a foundation of trust where we can share our hearts without fear of rejection or criticism. Remember, transparency isn’t just about confessing wrongs; it’s about sharing your whole self – your dreams, fears, joys, and struggles.Set regular times for deep, honest conversation. Turn off the TV, put away your phones, and really listen to each other. Ask questions that go beyond surface-level chat: “What are you struggling with right now?” “How can I support you better?” “What dreams do you have for our future?”
5. Invest in Physical and Emotional Connection
Physical intimacy in marriage goes far beyond the bedroom – it starts with emotional connection and nurturing throughout the day. This means being intentional about showing affection, expressing appreciation, and meeting each other’s emotional needs. Simple gestures like holding hands, offering a genuine compliment, or giving an unexpected hug can strengthen your bond.Take care of yourself physically – maintain good hygiene, stay healthy, and make an effort to be attractive for your spouse. But remember, true intimacy isn’t just about physical appearance. It’s about creating an environment where both partners feel valued, desired, and secure.Make time for date nights, even if you can’t leave the house. Be creative in keeping romance alive. Write love notes, send thoughtful text messages throughout the day, or plan surprise activities. The key is to consistently show your spouse that they’re a priority in your life.If you’re ready to dive deeper into these principles, our book “Sex On The First Date” provides practical steps for implementing these habits in your own relationship. Remember, transformation happens through consistent, intentional actions over time.
Choose one area to focus on this week, and watch how small changes lead to lasting transformation in your marriage.