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Forgiveness in Marriage: 5 Daily Choices That Can Be Your Guide to Joy and Lasting Love

forgiveness in marriage

 

Table of Contents

  1. Our Broken Beginning
    • The Hard Truth About Starting Wrong
    • When Reality Hits Home
    • The Breaking Point in Our Marriage
  2. The Power of True Forgiveness in Marriage
    • Understanding Real Forgiveness
    • Breaking Through Personal Walls
    • God’s Role in Marriage Transformation
  3. Practical Steps to Marriage Restoration
    • Daily Choices That Build Trust
    • The Importance of Open Communication
    • Building New Patterns Together
  4. Living Out Forgiveness Daily
    • Making Grace-Filled Choices
    • The Power of Daily Spiritual Practices
    • Creating New Marriage Habits
  5. Hope for Your Marriage Journey
    • Embracing God’s Healing Process
    • Moving from Mess to Message
    • Looking Forward with Hope
  6. Keys to Lasting Marriage Transformation
    • Daily Practices for Growth
    • Maintaining Spiritual Connection
    • Celebrating Progress Together

 

Let me be brutally honest with you: forgiveness in marriage was not present for us. When I first met Kath, I was a broken boy pretending to be a man. Our story began like many others today – with physical intimacy before emotional connection, a pregnancy that rushed us to the altar, and two deeply wounded people trying to build a life together. 

The Hard Truth About Our Beginning

I remember standing at that altar, barely 20 years old, thinking I had it all figured out. Boy, was I wrong. Looking back now, after many years of ministry and marriage counseling, I can tell you that forgiveness isn’t just a nice Christian concept – it’s the lifeline that saved our marriage from drowning in pain and resentment.

When Reality Hits Home

The Breaking Point

I’ll never forget the night Kath finally broke down and told me about her past trauma. There I was, thinking I was the strong one, the provider, the protector, when in reality, I was just as broken as she was. My pride had built walls so high that I couldn’t even see the pain I was causing. Holding my stuff inside became a weight that eventually took me to my knees.

The Wake-Up Call

Let me tell you something – when you’re sleeping next to someone every night but feeling miles apart, that’s not marriage. That’s coexistence. And that’s exactly where we found ourselves for years.

The Journey to True Forgiveness in Marriage

I used to think forgiveness meant saying “I’m sorry” and moving on. But God showed me that real forgiveness is a daily choice, a moment-by-moment decision to see your spouse through His eyes, not through the lens of past hurts.

Breaking Through My Own Walls

I had to learn to forgive Kath for things that weren’t even her fault – for not being the wife I thought I deserved, for not healing fast enough from her past trauma, for not meeting my unrealistic expectations. But more importantly, I had to learn to forgive myself.

The Transformation We Never Expected

When people ask me how we made it through those dark years, I tell them straight up – it wasn’t us. It was God’s grace and the power of forgiveness in marriage has transformed us both. And let me tell you, it wasn’t a one-time miracle. It was a daily choice to:

  • Speak life into each other instead of over each other.
  • Face our past honestly
  • Choose vulnerability over pride
  • Trust God’s healing process
  • Build new patterns of communication

Getting Real About Intimacy

The Hard Conversations

Kath and I had to learn to talk about everything – and I mean everything. Physical intimacy, emotional needs, spiritual struggles. No topic was off-limits because we learned that secrets breed shame, and shame kills intimacy.

The Power of Daily Choices

I’m not writing this from some ivory tower of perfect marriage. Even today, after all these years of ministry and counseling other couples, Kath and I still have our moments. But here’s what’s different now:

We Choose Grace.

Every morning, we make a conscious decision to:

  • See each other through God’s eyes
  • Extend grace before judgment
  • Practice active forgiveness
  • Build each other up

A Message of Hope

If you’re reading this and your marriage feels beyond repair, I want you to hear me clearly: No marriage is too far gone when two people are willing to choose forgiveness and let God do the healing. Kath and I are living proof of that truth.

The Daily Walk

Finally, here’s what we’ve learned that works.

  • Be in Gods word daily
  • We pray together each day
  • Speak life over each other
  • Address issues before they become walls
  • Celebrate small victories

Looking Forward

Today, Kath and I stand amazed at what God has done in our marriage. For me, as a man, I look forward to my first look at Kath each day.  The biggest realization is that she is a daughter of the King and she is my gift from Him.  My job is for her to feel like she is a gift.  

The same woman I once blamed for our problems is now my closest friend, strongest ally, and most trusted partner in ministry. That’s what forgiveness can do.

Remember, marriage isn’t about finding the perfect person – it’s about becoming the right person for your spouse. And that journey begins with forgiveness.

Let me leave you with this truth: Your marriage’s best days can be ahead of you, not behind you. It starts with one choice, one act of forgiveness in marriage, one step toward healing. Trust me, if God could transform our marriage from a mess to a message, He can do the same for your marriage.